


A Lover Knows Both Happiness and Pain

by MidnightMuse234



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M, Sad, Sad throughout, Shiro becomes a demon and he attacks the person he loved most while he was alive, Tragedy, but not current HichiIchi, past HichiIchi, think of it like when Sora attacked Orihime after he became a Hollow, trying to fill that void
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 18:23:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16101221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightMuse234/pseuds/MidnightMuse234
Summary: A year ago, Ichigo lost Shiro, his best friend, his husband, and his lover. He never expected that Shiro would return to him but not as the Shiro he remembers. / Alright, first up, this is a sad story. Secondly, Shiro and Ichigo are not in a relationship in the plot of the story. It's tagged as HichiIchi/ShiroIchi because of their relationship in the past. This story is really just meant to torture the people on my discord with something sad :'D Therefore, please read knowing that it's gonna hurt your heart - and it'll have a happy ending, I've decided, but it takes me forever to end stories so... sorry x.x





	1. His Return

Ichigo curled up tighter on his couch and stared sleeplessly out at the night, the moon just beginning to peek over the roof of a neighbour’s house. The full moon would have truly been beautiful to Ichigo if his husband hadn’t left him a year ago on a night just like this.

Brown eyes never left the moon when he heard his front door slowly crack open.

“Ichigo?”

The man whipped his head around so fast that his hair wound up in his face. “It can’t be.”

“Ichigo… why is it so dark in here?”

Ichigo suddenly found it hard to breathe. He almost lost the ability altogether when the intruder reached to flick on the light switch near the front entrance of their apartment. The living room lit up. Gold on black eyes swirled in the incandescent lighting.

“Oh my god,” Ichigo breathed out when no other words would come to him.

“Shiro…”

“Ichi? You look exhausted. Have you been sleeping?”

Golden eyes widened when pink lips found his own. Pales hands moved around Ichigo’s waist, squeezing it, pulling the man closer as their kiss deepened. Oh god, it just felt so good, so right, so… just like how Ichigo remembered.

And then suddenly, Ichigo pushed himself away. He shoved himself so violently that he almost tumbled to the ground. "Shiro, you have to go."

"What?"

"I can't do this right now."

"Wait, hold on,” Shiro tried to ease him with a gentle voice. “Ichi, you were the one who kissed me."

"I know and I'm not denying that. I just... please, I can't."

"Ichi?"

"Stop it. Stop that. Stop caring about me. You left me all alone."

Shiro blinked and the confusion almost stung Ichigo, if only… if only he was real. If only this wasn’t a hallucination.

Shiro stepped forward, pale fingers reaching for Ichigo’s cheek.

Ichigo had to jump away. Shiro’s gentle touch was far too tempting.

Shiro shook his head. “Your story is wrong, Ichigo. I never left you.”

Ichigo backed up into the kitchen. He pulled a chair out from the table and put it between himself and Shiro.

“Ichigo, why are you backing away from me?”

“Go away, Shiro, please.”

“But Ichi… are you really going to abandon me again? After all this time?”

“STOP IT!” Ichigo grabbed a knife from the counter.

“Ichigo, think about what you’re doing.”

“You’re not real.”

“Of course I am.”

“The Shiro I know is dead. I watched him die. His blood soaked my hands and m...my jacket and my shirt… Every night, I see him die again in front of me. So I know you're not the real Shiro.”

Golden eyes softened as Shiro spoke, “Ichigo, you're delusional. Have you spoken to anyone about this?”

“How fucking  _dare_ you!?” Ichigo screamed. "How dare you stand there, pretending to be him, mocking his last actions...? He didn't deserve to be treated this way, to have his memory slandered by you."

“My, my, you have a horrible habit of talking about me as if I’m not here.”

“That’s because you’re not my Shiro.”

"So wrong, Ichigo. So very, very wrong, my King."

Ichigo gasped. "How... How did you know-?"

"That he called you that? Because I am Shiro, Ichi. I'm really here and I'm really him."

“You… but you can't be here. I watched you die. I watched them take you away after I failed to stop the bleeding.”

Shiro sighed and stepped up to the chair Ichigo had put between them. He slowly pushed the chair aside, little by little, trying not to alarm Ichigo further. “Please, let’s just sit down and talk, King.”

“Don’t fucking call me that! Don’t you dare call me that!”

Shiro raised his hands in defence. “Ichigo, look, I’m clearly here. I’m clearly not dead. You have to trust me.”

“No.”

“Ichi-”

“Don’t move!” Ichigo pointed the knife at Shiro’s heart.

Shiro raised a brow. 

“Don’t come any closer.” Ichigo sobbed. The one person he could never hide his tears from was Shiro. “My family was gone, you were all I had left. And then you died and you left me… why? Why did you have to die, Shi?”

“To save you, my love. If I hadn’t taken that bullet then you would be the one dead.”

Ichigo forced in a deep breath, his breathing impaired by a sudden hysterical laughter.

“Ichigo?”

“A bullet?” Ichigo questioned. “Are you sure about that? Because I’m very positive that I watched you get stabbed, not shot.”

Shiro sighed and dropped his hands. “I fucked up, didn’t I?”

“Who are you?”

Shiro rolled his eyes. “I really am Shiro, Ichi, just not the Shiro you remember. You see…” Shiro’s eyes slit for a second before they returned to normal. “...I’ve changed.”

Ichigo flinched. “What the hell happened to you?”

“I died, but instead of a flock of angels carrying me to heaven’s gate, a swarm of demons dragged me to hell.”

Ichigo shook his head. “No way. Shiro sacrificed himself to save me. He protected his team like they were family. He didn't deserve to go to hell!”

“Clearly you didn’t know the real Shiro.”

“I married the real Shiro. I knew who he was and I knew he was a killer, but every night he cried in his sleep over the guilt he felt. Every night he prayed that his soul would be spared from his sins and that those he killed would have eternal peace. He killed murderers, people who deserved to be killed, and he ended their lives unwillingly because he had no other choice. I should have been the one to die that day, not him. I don’t deserve the life he gave me.”

Shiro took a step forward. The tip of Ichigo’s knife touched his chest.

“Please just leave… I don’t want to hurt you.”

Shiro grinned. “You want me to leave? Is it because you don’t have the heart to kill me again?”

Ichigo flinched at the accusation. His mind denied that he killed Shiro, but his heart reminded him that he was the reason Shiro died.

“You can’t bring yourself to kill the man you already killed...”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Ichigo muttered. “If you understand that much, and if you really are Shiro, then… please just leave. Please.”

Shiro chuckled, amused. “Oh Ichigo, if you don’t stop me now, then I’m going to hurt you and then I’m going to kill your friends. My death was quick and almost painless, but I assure you, your death and theirs won’t be.”

“Leave my friends out of this! It’s between you and me!”

“Kill me, King. Do it.”

“Fuck you!” With tear-stained cheeks, Ichigo plunged his knife into Shiro’s body. Ichigo worked as a nurse for a few years, when he was assigned to Shiro’s team, and so he knew just where to stab to avoid bones and make the act as simple as possible.

Shiro howled in agony and fell forward. He coughed, gasping for a breath that wouldn’t come. Ichigo screamed and sobbed as he watched Shiro collapse onto his side on the ground, blood dripping from his mouth and staining the tiled floor.

Ichigo lowered himself against the kitchen cupboards and sobbed. Oh god, he’d done it again. He watched the life drain from his lover’s eyes two times too many. Even then, he'd seen them often in nightmares and hallucinations... but this time it wasn't a dream, it was real.

He'd killed Shiro.

Again.

Pale lips, now stained ruby, curled into a grin.

“Well, that was just pathetic.”

Ichigo’s head snapped up, fast enough that he smacked his head against the cupboard behind him.

“What? Surprised that I’m not dead?” Shiro sat up, yanking the knife from his chest. “Did you really think that could kill a demon, King? How pathetic.”

“Sh-Shiro? Wait, I… I’m sorry, I-”

Shiro covered Ichigo’s mouth with one hand, slamming Ichigo’s head through the cupboard behind him.

Ichigo trembled, looking into the eyes that once shone with love only to find nothing but an empty cruelty staring back at him.

“You know, King, I find it kinda funny how much you’ll put yourself through to protect your friends. You’d really watch me die a second time just so that I wouldn’t hurt them?”

Ichigo wanted to fight back, but when he tried to move his arms they only trembled.

Shiro snapped with his free hand. “That gives me a perfect idea! You place too much weight on your shoulders, Ichi. You always did. Did you know how much it hurt me to watch you suffer? Well, anyway… The two things weighing you down right now would be watching me die over and over again, and protecting your friends. So I propose a solution.”

Shiro picked up the knife off the floor. In a sudden swift slash, he brought the knife across Ichigo’s eyes.

Ichigo’s scream shook the room, even when his mouth was still partially covered by Shiro’s hand. He felt the other’s presence disappear as he collapsed onto his side. Ichigo screamed in agony, wanting to cover his eyes with his hands instinctively like one might cradle their knee after they fall down, but it would only make the pain worse. Tears didn’t help the pain either.

“There we go, both problems solved,” Shiro’s voice sounded from across the room. “If I’m killed by one of your friends, you won’t have to watch me die for a third time. And since you’re blind, you won’t be able to fight for your friends anymore, leaving them to protect you. It isn’t your responsibility to shoulder anymore, King. Aren’t I nice?”

_Fuck you,_ Ichigo wanted to scream, but all that came out were painful sobs. And yet, somewhere at the very back of Ichigo's mind, he panicked. _Don't leave me alone, please Shiro. It's so dark. Help me. I need you._


	2. The Descent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is as excited as I am to see how bad this story can get... Don't worry, I'm crying too.

Ichigo didn’t realize when he’d drifted off, but he soon realized that he’d been moved. He felt something soft beneath him. A bed?

He slowly stretched out. It was dark in his room… when had he even gone to bed? He remembered having a nightmare, another one… about Shiro, again.

Why did his mind have to taunt him with such awful visions? Was it because of his guilt?

“Ichigo?” he heard a familiar, soft voice.

"Orihime?” Ichigo asked. That would explain why he couldn’t remember going to bed. Orihime, and maybe someone else, had carried him there. It wasn’t the first time. “Sorry, you had to put me to bed. I had a bad dream, and it must’ve scared you."

"Ichigo?"

"Chad? You're here too?” Ichigo tried to sit up, but a hand pushed him back down. He frowned, trying desperately to see his friend’s face in the darkness. “Why... why are all the lights... off?"

“Ichigo, you’re…” Orihime fidgeted, unable to say the word.

“Blind,” Uryu finished.

Ichigo immediately stopped struggling against the hand on his chest. He laid back in bed and reached shaky fingers towards his face. He didn’t dare touch his eyes but instead felt the cut across his nose which definitely connected to the lines he knew continued all the way across his face. Orihime had done a great job healing Ichigo’s injuries, as usual, but this time there would certainly be a scar across Ichigo’s face. Orihime could only heal so much, her spells also relied heavily on the will of the one who was injured.

“So it really happened then…” Ichigo mumbled to himself.

“Who did this to you, Ichigo?” he heard Rukia speak up.

Ichigo instinctually wanted to look in her direction, but he forced himself to stay still. “It was…”

A light suddenly sparked to life and Ichigo’s eyes darted towards it. Shiro grinned at him from across the room, his voice coiling around Ichigo’s mind, echoing... "Oi, King."

"You..." Ichigo scowled at him. "DEMON. GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Ichigo lunged at Shiro, but the light went out above Shiro's head and Ichigo could no longer see him. Fortunately, he still found Shiro in the dark.

Kisuke reached for Ichigo's arm. "Chad, Renji, help me to restrain him!"

Rukia clawed at Ichigo's hand around her throat.

“Monster!” Ichigo screamed. “Stop using his face! Stop it!”

Rukia’s alarm was immediately replaced with confusion. Uryu and Chad hauled Ichigo off of her and she gasped in air. She leaned back against the wall, panting, eyes glued to her deranged friend.

Ichigo continued thrashing until Kisuke was able to administer a sedative.

Rukia rubbed her throat.

“Are you alright?” Renji asked.

Rukia nodded. “I’ll be fine, but… did anyone hear what Ichigo said when he attacked me?”

Uryu slowly nodded, a look of dread crossing his features. “He said ‘stop using his face’.”

Rukia frowned and glanced at Kisuke.

“I know what you’re probably thinking,” Kisuke said. “And unfortunately, you’re probably right. Demons tend to destroy the things they used to cherish in life, and it would seem that Shiro’s soul was twisted into a demon in the afterlife.”


End file.
